The Pursuit of Perfection - Juggling it All

Lucy Thompson, a busy working mother, wife, and friend, knows the struggles of trying to maintain perfection while managing multiple roles. After experiencing the detrimental effects on her mental health, she embarked on a journey of self-discovery. Through Solution Focused Hypnotherapy and embracing self-care practices, she transformed her life. Now, with her own hypnotherapy practice and as a fitness coach, Lucy helps women break free from the pursuit of perfection. In this blog, she shares practical tips to prioritise mental wellbeing, from managing stress to practicing mindfulness. Discover how to find balance and embrace imperfection for a healthier, happier life.

Lucy Thompson, Coach & Hypnotherapist

As a busy working mother, wife, and friend I have first hand experience of trying to keep all of the plates spinning all of the time (and sometimes accidentally dropping a few in the process). I know what it is like to try to be perfect, and I know the detrimental effect it has had on my own mental health and well being over the years.

Following the birth of my children I found myself in a constant state of overwhelm, trying to do it all, trying to live up to perceived expectations, trying to be perfect. This lead to anxiety and postnatal depression. I was unhappy at work, I was unfit, unhealthy, had no self esteem and confidence. I beat myself up for not being the Superwoman who could do it all.

In 2018 something had to change and I found Solution Focused Hypnotherapy. I loved that it was all backed by science and that it was a positive and uplifting type of therapy. So I registered for the course. At the same time I joined a wonderful gym. It was fun, supportive and had an amazing community. I managed to start going 3 times a week and fell in love with exercise.

6 months after this, with help from my GP, I was completely medication free!

Now, 4 years later, I have my own Solution Focused Hypnotherapy Practice, and I am a PT and I coach at the gym that I love.

I work with many other women who believe that they need to be the perfect mother, wife/partner, friend, sister, daughter. With the perfect home, the perfect body and with the most perfectly behaved and well rounded children to top it off. And then there is the mental load. This is about women being the one who is in charge of a never ending to do list in our heads.

Managing (not necessarily doing, but managing) the tasks around child care and the home. What tasks need to be done when, and the delegation of those tasks. I.e the upcoming birthday parties, making sure there are enough clean towels and socks (not to mention making sure there is enough laundry detergent to do the wash), knowing when the dog food is going to run out, knowing what your children ate for lunch etc. etc…. Like I said, never ending.

And all of this is to be achieved whilst being amazing at our jobs, striving to break glass ceilings and showing everyone that we can manage it all!

And let's not forget Social Media. The place where everyone shows off their absolute best lives. Where you will see photos of families enjoying a perfect day out, with laughing faces and pure joy whilst little Tommy is enjoying eating a spear of asparagus… and meanwhile you are carrying one screaming child under one arm whilst trying to convince the other to please just eat one chicken nugget!

All of these things find us in the pursuit of perfection, and perfection is an unattainable goal. Even the people that we gaze in wonder at on Social Media aren’t perfect, they have the same doubts and insecurities as the rest of us.

The pursuit for perfection can often lead to increased stress. Increased stress can then lead to anxiety, depression or anger (or a combination of all three). You may find an increase in anxiety related conditions such as obsessive compulsive disorder, panic attacks, phobias etc. Or you may feel like you are completely overwhelmed, struggling to sleep, drinking too much and comfort eating.

The way I describe this to my hypnotherapy clients is to say that we have a bucket in our heads that gets filled up during the day with every negative thought that we have. And let's face it, the pursuit for perfection can lead to so many negative thoughts and worries and feelings of inadequacy.

I call this bucket ‘The Stress Bucket’.

I help my clients to stop piling too much into their stress bucket with negative thoughts and worries, and to start to retrain their brains to naturally think in a more positive way.

So how do you empty a stress bucket?

Make to do lists

This sounds so simple, but it works. When you have a million and one things going around your head your stress bucket is going to be overflowing! If you can write them down and get them in order of priority then you are clearing out space in your mind, therefore reducing the feeling of overwhelm. Then you get to tick them off! And this in turn causes our brains to release dopamine which gives us positive feelings such as motivation, happiness and pleasure. I like to include smaller, really achievable tasks in my to-do list such as ‘feed the dog’ because that can then be ticked off and still gives me a dopamine response, thus leading to desire to do more.

Self care

This gets bandied around a lot, because it is so important. It is often the first thing that goes when we get busy. However, taking just a few minutes each day to do something for yourself can make a big difference. You can not pour from an empty cup!

So do something that fills your cup up. Go for a walk, read a book, have a bath, go to the gym, do yoga, phone your best friend. Whatever it is that works for you to help you to relax and recharge, make it a priority.

Set boundaries

It can be easy to say yes to every request that comes your way, whether it's from your boss, your spouse, or your children. However, saying yes to everything can quickly lead to burnout and stress. Instead, set clear boundaries and learn to say no when necessary.

This might mean delegating tasks at work, asking your partner to take on more household responsibilities, or simply letting your friends know that you need some time for yourself.

Practice mindfulness

Mindfulness is a powerful tool for reducing stress and improving mental health. Thinking, worrying, stressing about future or past events can fill that stress bucket right up to the brim. Practicing mindfulness and focusing on the present moment can help you to feel more grounded and focused.

This might mean practicing deep breathing, meditation, or simply taking a few minutes to focus on the present moment, noticing what your senses are doing. What can you see, hear, smell, taste and feel in this very moment?

Gratitude

I start each session with a simple question, “what's been good?”

When we practice gratitude and start to think about the good things in our life (even the really small things) it moves our thinking into the more positive, logical part of our brains. This is the part that can find solutions and can make a proper assessment of the situation in front of us. So when faced with a difficult email, or a screaming child, instead of feeling panicked and overwhelmed, we can deal with it calmly and appropriately.

Seek professional help if necessary

Finally, if you're struggling with your mental health, don't be afraid to seek professional help. Whether it's through therapy, medication, or both, getting the help you need can make a huge difference in your overall well-being.

So… does it work?

I am the proof in the pudding! Lucy Thompson pre 2018 had no confidence or no self esteem left. I was crippled by the pursuit for perfection. It prevented me from stepping out of my comfort zone.

I am now four years down the line and I have been on the BBC News, BBC radio, sat on panels in front of 100’s of people and I no longer have any fear about sharing my experiences on social media. I still have good and bad days, but now I know that I now have the tools to help me cope with the bad days which means that they are now just days and not weeks, months or years.

You can have a look at my Website, Instagram, Facebook and Linkedin by clicking these links.

Thank you so much for sharing Lucy!

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